When Life Goes Wrong

I sit on my front porch writing to you, observing weather that could be a metaphor for my life as of late – delightfully sunny spring skies, which suddenly turned dark and ominous, followed by torrential rain complete with lightning bolts and crashing thunder, catching me off guard and ruining my afternoon plans.

I am supposed to be writing a blog post on how to fill your Vessel of Sustenance, but that feels utterly inauthentic – truth be told, I’ve been struggling mightily to squeeze even a few drops into my own. So instead, I am going to write about my major case of Imposter Syndrome. How am I supposed to share anything helpful with you all about filling your own cup when mine is empty? Who do I think I am?!?! I’m such a fraud!!!!
(These are the kind of mean things I say to myself when my cup is empty & I’m out of alignment …)

If there’s one thing for which I strive with The Pelvic Priestess, it’s authenticity. We have so little of that in our world, don’t we?

We’re all supposed to smile pretty for Facebook and Insta and pretend we’re ALWAYS living our ‘best lives.’

We run ourselves to the brink of collapse and then smile a thin smile when others admiringly say, “I don’t know how you do it all!”

We’re embarrassed by any health issues we might have and ashamed of feeling exhausted or – heaven forbid – anxious and depressed. (Even though life is often exhausting, depressing, and anxiety-producing.)

We’re supposed to suffer in silence, project a perfect exterior, and keep our angst to ourselves. We’re most certainly not supposed to tell the truth!

But we are all here at TPP to do something different, right? So while I may not be able to walk my talk about filling our Vessel of Sustenance at the moment, I can at least tell you my truthiest truth:

Lately I’ve been exhausted, anxious, and a bit depressed.

My Backstory

I suffered enormous tragedy in 2019 and 2020. My life partner and another person beloved to me both died very young and very unexpectedly. My business almost failed. And then our global pandemic set in …
I went through some dark, dark days. I felt lost and unsure of who I even was anymore.

But …. as we crossed into 2021, it finally all jelled. The Pelvic Priestess came to me in full, like a download. It was all so effortless and inspired, and I finally felt alive and creative and joyful and like I had found my true purpose. Everything about TPP was unfolding so smoothly, and the perfect people showed up to help me quickly execute my vision. Grace PT was running like clockwork, and I could devote almost all my time to my new passion-project of TPP. Y’all, I was LIVING. THE. LIFE. The Universe totally had my back, right? Sunny skies were just a-following me everywhere.

So imagine my surprise when the SAME week we launched TPP, the thunderstorm rolled in and my whole world came crashing down … again. A staff member-slash-dear friend experienced a horrible tragedy that rocked the world of my whole team. A second staff member’s family got COVID, and she was out of work for weeks. I’ve been very scared and terribly sad and stretched way too thin, as I’ve suddenly had to work A LOT at Grace PT, no longer having time for TPP.

So that’s where I am at the moment. While I do continue to have a pelvis, I do NOT feel like a Priestess. And I do NOT feel “Blessed by the Yoniverse!” I feel sucker-punched, like it ‘got’ me to launch this thing, and then ‘took away’ my ability to keep pouring my energy into it.

No, that is not mature spiritual thinking. And I’ll get over it. But I want to be real that it happens to me, and probably to all of us if we’re honest. Sometimes things go well and a million synchronicities occur, and we think all our hard work toward being an evolved spiritual Being is paying off. 🙂 And sometimes things fall apart. And while that can feel like a curse or a punishment, it’s not. It’s just life.

Frankly, holding my moorings during the thunderstorms of life has always been a struggle for me. The Universe evidently thinks I need a lot of practice. So I guess that’s all there is to do.

What I’m practicing these days:

• I remind myself that I’m only one person, and I’m doing the best I can.
• I’m trying to remember that everything changes, and this will too.
• My mantra has become, “Just do the Next Right Thing.”
• Sometimes with my fingernails, I’m scraping out time for meditation, yoga, and hymn practice, which ground me and connect me to the Divine.
• I’m spending more time outside.
• I’m drinking enough water and taking my supplements.
• I’m buying healthy pre-made food at the store.
• I’m prioritizing my sleep.
• I’m watching too much TV. (I said I was going to be honest, right??)
• I’m TRYING to be gentle and compassionate with myself.
• I’m reaching out to friends for support (SO hard! You have to admit you’re struggling!!).
• I’m telling my truth to you all.

It’s helping. I’m still overwhelmed, but with a bit more peace.

And as I said in my first blog/video, I don’t have this all figured out. I am BECOMING the Pelvic Priestess. And so are each of you, and we all have wisdom to share.

I love the Ram Dass quote, “We’re all just walking each other home.”
Can we do that for each other, TPP Posse? Could this be a place where we leave Impostor Syndrome at the door, show up as our full selves whether we’re in sunshine or storms, tell our truthiest truth, and support each other in doing so?

Let’s do it. Let’s start a Revolution.

In Joy,
~Shakti

P.S. It’s now ‘tomorrow,’ and I have a little addition to my thunderstorm story from last night. With my plans rained out, I was invited to a last-minute dinner at a fellow’s, who I’ve just started to see. The skies cleared, the stars came out, and in the midst of the enthusiastic blinking of about a million of the first lightening bugs of the season … I got my First Kiss. Oh yeah, baby – WAY better than my original plans, my Friends!
Hmmmmm …. Maybe the Universe DOES have our back even when it sends in those storms. 🙂